Teh Remus Reviews #5: The Last Guardian

“Good things, when short, are twice as good.”

Gracian

‘Twas a nice sunny day in 2002 when I first set my eyes upon the shiny new book, just laying there on the bookstore counter, taunting me, “Remus. Remus. Come to me. Buy me. You know you want to.” And I did. At the time, I was really into the whole WarCraft stuff and I had only just begun playing Reign of Chaos. I liked the story of the game and its continue that The Frozen Throne gave us. I had already read Day of the Dragon by Richard A. Knaak, which review you can find here and Lord of the Clans by Christie Golden. They were a part of a trilogy that would give us some WarCraft pre-story and Knaak’s novel told an irrelevant to the game story about the black dragon Deathwing, while Golden’s novel was about the rise of Warchief Thrall. So, what could this novel – this Last Guardian – be about?

Let’s see…

The Last Guardian

Teh Remus Reviews #4: An Introduction To Bulgarian Shit

“Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain.”

Friedrich von Shiller

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce thee to the most horrific book I have ever, ever, EVER read, bar Spine of the World. I warn thee, ‘tis not for the weak-hearted, nor is it for people contemplating suicide. After reading the book, the latter will know they want to kill themselves.

First of all, I’d like to mention that you won’t be able to find this book anywhere outside Bulgaria (thank fuck!) and even here it is already gone. Aye, ‘tis a Bulgarian fantasy book, and to top that – ‘tis written by a 17 year old geek wanna-be. I know, now some of you will ask “Then why do you bother? Were you expecting a good book from a 17 yo, played too much Diablo?” Well, since the book was published by one of the biggest publishing companies in BG – Bard – I was hoping that the book would be at least good. It was actually meant as a trilogy and the “author” had given multiple interviews with what you could expect in the next books of the saga.

I bet nobody was expecting this…

Chronicles of the Seven Moons

Teh Remus Reviews #3: The Icewind Dale Trilogy

“I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape – the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show.”

Andrew Wyeth

So, I finished The Dark Elf Trilogy, I introduced your arses to the exciting (or not so much) world of Salvatoreland and now is the time to continue. Lightus Maximus Crupius would disagree, but fuck him. ‘Tis my reviews, damn it! Not my fault he’s and lazy arse, is it?

OK, so next trilogy. This is actually the first trilogy that Salvatore unleashed upon the world of Forgotten Realms. Firstly, Wulfgar The Retard was supposed to be the main hero, but this plan was murdered instantaneously after the smarter fans realized the uniqueness of Drizzt Do’Urden’s then-character. Mostly because every second hero is a barbarian, and drow are not really that much seen in the main scene. Smart readers, really.

Unlike the fucking writer…

Also, again I will spare the page coverage. If anybody gives a shit – buy/download/borrow/steal the books and read them. ‘Tis not my place to tell you everything about them.

So, without further ado, let me introduce That Which Would’ve Been But Got Better, Only To Get Worse Again Later On, or just:

The Icewind Dale Trilogy

Teh Remus Reviews #2: The Dark Elf Trilogy

“All books are either dreams or swords,
You can cut, or you can drug, with words.”

Amy Lowell
Sword Blades and Poppy Seed

So here I am with nothing to review and see some old stuff I’ve been reviewing in Bulgarian in my blog. And I remember that Lightus Crupius asked me to translate this shit so that we can give both of our opinions on the Drizzt saga, so there it is – the first (story hronologically) trilogy in the series.

Oh, I haven’t given any story cover, ‘cause I want anybody who gives a fuck to read the books himself. There are some spoilers, but nothing grand, really. Nothing in R.A. Salvatore’s work is grand, really. Whatever, let’s just get to the fucking review, shall we? I give you…

The Dark Elf Trilogy

Teh Remus Reviews #1: Watchmen

“Soon there will be war. Millions will burn. Millions will perish in sickness and misery. Why does one death matter against so many? Because there is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this. But there are so many deserving of retribution … and there is so little time.”

Rorschach
Watchmen

So the next superhero movie is out. This time it is not Superman, Spider-Man, Batman, X-Men, Iron Man, The Punisher, Night Rider or The Incredible Hulk. Probably the franchise is way more known in the USA, or UK, since the graphic novels, which the movie is based on, are released in the far 1985. Fans there are more familiar with the characters, the story and the surroundings. Here, in Bulgaria, we barely get the frosting of the global cake, missing any opportunity to enjoy anything of the delicious filling. The narrow-mindedness of Bulgarian people towards this kind of art leaves us blind to any background this movie has.

If nobody has yet read the title, I am talking about…

WATCHMEN